yes, i have t.i stuck in my head.
i was reminded earlier of how delicious beer is while i was listening to t.i (don't judge me), and a certain era of my life came back to me.
march 2009 - at the time, there was this beautiful girl who i considered to be quite a close friend of mine. her sense of humor would light up the entire room. i consider myself to be quite the sarcastic person, but this friend was almost unbearably set in her ways. it was wonderful how she never feared to speak her mind. seeing how that's quite a hard thing to do for me the majority of the time, i really adored her for being the way she was. i had confidence when i was with her - a subtle sense of purity.
purity was not something that lasted among us, though. unfortunately & within a blink of an eye i was not where i wanted to be with my life; the drugs, the late nights, skipping out on work, worrying my family, the guilt, hiding my secret life from my friends. my life at that moment was a series of my own poor decisions of course, but she was one to push me a little further.
when i was a teenager, i wasn't one for getting in too much trouble (or any more than a normal teen would). but even my parents were noticing the difference in my personality, my temperament (which i didn't even think i had). after a long night of abuse, i awoke to my packed bags and my father telling me to get out of the house. it's without a doubt that my father did this with reason, and stress of other family issues which i was unaware of at the time.
i had nowhere to go & nobody to tell of these horrendous secrets that i was keeping.
the day i got a phone call from my sister asking me for her help i immediately packed my bags, left my friends, left my lover & best friend who had moved there specifically to be with me, my family, my nephew and niece, my job. i packed up and left everything selfishly.
... & here i am in ontario with a life so much better than what i left behind at that point in my life.
i wish that i could explain that to most of the people who are most important to me in my life - but being the person i am could never worry the loveliest of people in my life. i'd much rather figure things out in the stubborn way i do by myself.
i awoke & will never take advantage of my life that way again.
i was always told never to run away from your problems, and i believe that - i do... but sometimes fixing your problems involves drastic changes. this was the biggest one i could think of.
oh! as for this beautiful girl? you'll always find her in the same place.
anyways, so that's what i think when i listen to "you can have whatever you like".
i'm still jamming and singing along though.
No comments:
Post a Comment